Chapter two: You Hope It Would All Change

Everyone needs a fresh start. New school, new clothes, new hair cut, just a fresh new start.. I needed that desperately. Thinking the next school would hold great happy memories that would last forever, instead bad memories that would last forever and have pulled me down to this day.
It was the start of the school year, a new school everything. I was in grade 4, I walked in late to class and everyone was already staring at me. My dad left cause he had to go to work so I was left by myself.. Already it started with ” she’s ugly” “ew” ” look at her hands they look funny” now my knuckles have been pushed back down my hand since birth. The cartilage in my ring fingers are shorter than usually causing that part of my hand to look funny. After that went around the first day already people said they would catch the same “sickness” as me and they would end up like me, already I was at the back of the school during break on the oval watching the trains go past and imagining what it would be like to die and who would actually care if I died. I went from friend group to friend group but not one group or set of people actually liked me they would laugh at me make jokes about me and tell me they didn’t like me to my face.
In year 6 I was the house captain of one of the schools houses I got told by the other house captains I shouldn’t be one or I wasn’t ‘good enough’ for it. But I had to keep doing it for the whole year.
I got my first boyfriend at the end of year 6, we were friends before we went out. Next thing the day after he asked me out he thought he asked out another girl, but we still went out anyway… Eventually throughout the relationship obviously you would open up to the other person you like, next thing I realised he would tell all his other mates what I told him then they would make fun of everything even if it wasn’t anything funny they would still find joy in bringing me down.
When year 6 finished I thought again a new start and my boyfriend would actually grow up a little but no he didn’t.
MY ADVICE: don’t let anyone make you full lower than them, they want to feel superior. For some people a change could be a good thing, others maybe not. But make the best out of every change you make, if someone brings you down know it’s not true that they just want to feel better about themselves. Thinking about suicide at a young age may not be a good thing, for a child it may seem like a normal thing… But it isn’t. If you ever feel like this just think about the positive or call a help line or call someone who you think could help you. No one deserves to go through so much emotional pain. Everyone is beautiful.
~K xx

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