Chapter Seven: It Takes Time

About 2 weeks after we started going out we went to church again on a Friday and the person who was in charge of the youth and keeping us safe and have fun called me over to her and she asked if I was okay I said “umm yea why” she realised I lost weight. I never saw it I just saw fat. I said “no I haven’t I weighed myself yesterday and I’m still the same weight” after that people from church, my friends, my teachers, peers, my boyfriend had realised my face looked my slender and you could see my cheek bones more than you could before and my hip bones were showing threw my shirts I was wearing. All I saw a felt was fat. So I didn’t believe it. Since my boyfriend and I started going out I have tried to kill myself on more than one occasion and it was a about a week later when everyone started realising I was losing weight, I to be honest never saw it and still don’t. So the night I tried again I called my boyfriend and told him I love him and always will. That night he called my parents and told them my mental state when they came in my room I was already asleep. I found out straight away that he told them and at the time I hated him for it but now… All I see is that he was caring for his girlfriend. I was still not eating and if I was I would feel sick straight after but wouldn’t throw it up. I started to feel weaker and weaker each day. My boyfriend came over to my house and I told him everything. All he did for about an hour was tell me how beautiful I was and that’s all it took me to eat normally. Now all I want to eat is pizza and pasta but as well healthy too. For about 2 weeks every few days my boyfriend would write poems for me and they were beautiful. They made me smile and cry for joy. He is the reason I am here today and I thank him for that. This year I found my first true best friend. After all that she went through we came close as we felt like we connected and we just make each other laugh and always there for each other. We bonded when I found out what happened to her and she found out what happened to me. This is the other author S. This entire year has been filled with happy and amazing moments which over look the bad times. I do still feel down about my past but S and my boyfriend (lover boy) make me over look that and are the only ones that still want to be in my life after everything that has happened. They are all I need.

MY ADVICE: all you need is a best friend. Even if that’s a tub of ice cream and your favourite tv show that’s okay. I still do that sometimes and it feels great. If you focus on the positives you will see you have had some good in your life and will see what others may see or you may see the point in living. You are perfect you are worth the air you breathe. You are worth the food you get on your plate or the food you may eat out like McDonalds or for me pizza. You can focus on what you want in life. Do you want to get married to your current boyfriend? We’ll work towards that. You want a career in dance? Work towards that. You want to help others so they don’t feel like you felt in the past? Then do that. You just need to focus either on the positives in your life or the positives that you want in your life. And that’s what I’m doing. Just focus on the positives in life and you will be set. If you still need to talk to someone to get some help. Call a help line, a friend, family member, by sending us a comment on our posts anything so you get help just tell someone. You need some happiness in your life and you are worth it.

Chapter Three: Start of High School

So start of Year 7 and already I had people talking about me, how my boyfriend deserves someone better and I hadn’t even been at school a whole day yet and half the whole class new who I was. I walked in late to assembly and was getting shown which home room I was going into and already I had started to hate school as the girl who made up most of the issues or made me feel like crap was the only girl in my house color and year level in my home room. After everyone got sorted into home rooms it was time to spend and hour with my home room peers. By the end of first break I was already crying. Around the end of April I was planning on dumping my boyfriend… reasons why? Well he was verbally abusing me and physically, lying behind my back, was pretty much stalking me, and liking other girls at the same time… on a dark rainy day my friend was there and helped me get through dumping him, after I dumped him he ran of crying. Now by standing in the rain I fell sick the next day but went to school for half day. During the break I saw my friends and my now ex’s friends running after him cause of what he was saying which involved me. It was exactly all what I said; using me, liking other girls but this hurt the most.. he never actually liked me and he said I would never feel love or know what it feels like to feel loved but you know what? he was right for a couple of years. The same year in September the girl in my home room was really annoyed one day and decided to let it out on me. All I did was sit down and she already told me to “fuck off” “no-one likes you Kim” and to “DIE”. Now the whole day I was stuck with this crap from her,at our lunch time break she snapped and slapped me pulled my hair kicked me and slapping me non-stop. So then I just cracked it and punched her in the face. That day when I went home my whole face was swollen and I was balling my eyes out to my parents. Next thing you know the gitl comes to school the next day with bruises everywhere as her father beat her up the night before and I got a weeks suspension and rumors flying around the school each year level and she got 2 days suspension and everyone loved her. After that week I had to start fresh again with no friends, everyone hating me for stupid rumors and it all kept going and getting worse till start of year 10.

READ: Everyone makes it through the bad times, like look at you now! You are still here and have overcome what has crossed your path. You are doing great 🙂 If someone is hurting you physically in a fight, one of your friends or a boy/girl friend tell them to stop, call a help line, try and find a way out. If you don’t stand up for yourself you will just keep felling down about yourself, stand up and use the voice you were given to stand up against anyone and be brave 🙂

~ K xx