As soon as I started meeting new people it all started for me.. That’s right when I was 3 1/2 years old, the bullying, name calling, pushing, kicking everything.
I had only just started walking at the age of 3 and had already started to go to pre-school. I got bullied for the way my hair looked (I had a bob cut), got bullied cause I was still unstable on my feet and just everything in general. I became so lonely that I made friends with a girl who couldn’t even speak fluent English and her first language was Russian, about a few months into the relationship she moved back to Russia.
At the pre-school we had end of year little plays, we did Christmas, so what it was all about and I was to play mother Mary. I got hurt so much that day I was crying during the performance, the parents of the kids were talking about me saying “she only got the part cause her grandma is the teacher”… “She’s not even good looking and one of the ugliest children here” next thing you know I had to do another year of pre-school cause I couldn’t read properly… Got teased about that too.
The next year was pretty much the same thing every day. I would pretty much hug my mum’s leg every day crying to her saying “I don’t want to go, please”… but no I went. When it was over I was happy and thought it would all stop… little did I know it would haunt me.
I started my first year of school and first day had just started and I was already crying. I was getting bullied about the same things all over again except it was big kids calling me names and making me feel worse about myself making all the kids in my year hate me. Things like “you don’t belong here”… ” get of the playground.. No one wants you here” “you are a loser”. I hated it. At the age of 6 and I had already had more bad days than good days. Most of them. I remember I was in the sandpit and got told to get out cause I’m a waste of space and I ran out and around the sandpit was massive rocks and I ran got pushed and hit my top of my thigh really hard on the rock. I started bleeding heaps from my leg and other parts I was crying. I already wanted to die and I was only 6. I told people, I told the teachers but all they did was call up my parents and tell them or ask them “something’s wrong with her” “what’s wrong with her”. I cried after that too. But nothing was wrong with me. I was being bullied and they didn’t see it. I told my parents they were understanding of it but then my sister was born and everything changed. I was pushed to the side to never again speak of it to my parents and act like the strong healthiest person in the family. That’s what I have been doing.
3 years went by and still each day I got hurt and no friends the same things each day. Eventually I moved schools. On the last day I found out and I was so happy being a child thinking it would all go away again I thought that. I couldn’t wait till summer holidays finished to start at a new school and actually belong somewhere. But I didn’t.
MY ADVICE: No one should be able to make you feel like you were a mistake or you are worthless. You are here for a reason and all those people who are hurting you will all one day realise what they did and may even be jealous and want to apologise to you. But you will be so much better with out them. If someone is telling you that you don’t belong here or calling you names go tell someone that could actually do something, tell a parent, or a teacher that you trust or will understand you. If you have a friend tell your friend, a girl/boyfriend someone that can help you. Just know you aren’t what those people are telling you. You are more than that and they just want people to think less of themselves so they feel superior. You are so much better than them just know that.
~ K xx
Self-Harm Warriors 