So after I cam clean about my mistake, I decided not to tell anyone the reason why I broke things off and I thought that my now ex-boyfriend would do the same, not for but for himself; sadly, that wasn’t case. I understand why he felt the need to tell his dad, his best friend and his closest mate, he needed to vent to someone and get advice from friends and all that, and I completely understand that and I was glad that he did so he didn’t keep it all bottled up inside; but it was his closest friend that decided to take things into his own hands and let the cat out of the bag. I was never angry at any of them, only disappointed. They all knew what had happened to me in the past and I would have at least thought that they would be considerate and not spread it around the school; I knew they were going to talk about it, I just never knew that they would create what became my life in hell. I started getting threatening messages from the closest mate, he was saying awful things about me that weren’t true. He knew damn well what actually happened at my old school yet he was the one that went around my new school saying that I actually consented to having sex with the guy on school property. He is also the one who started the rumour that I was selling myself as a prostitute and that I had slept with half the guys at school; when this rumour spread I started getting phone calls at 3 o’clock in the morning, can you guess who was calling me? That’s right, my ex-boyfriend’s closest mate! At this point in time, my parents were going through a very sticky situation. My dad had been kicked out of the house and my mum threatening to divorce him. This didn’t exactly affect too badly because, and I know this sounds bad, I don’t actually like my dad that much – he’s controlling, picks on my every flaw, says I’m lazy and no good when all I do everyday is homework, work and clean up around the house, he always finds something to criticise about me and it just made me dislike him… a lot. Anyway, I was feeling overly stressed because my mum and sister’s were taking this messy situation between my parents pretty hard, but when I started receiving phone calls at 3am asking why I cheated on my ex, if I’m straight or lesbian, if I charge money for sex and if so, how much, when I was available next to go and sell my body to a guy – meaning to have sex in exchange for money – and I knew damn well who it was. This went on for about a week. I started to develop an eating disorder because of stress. My stress levels were too high which then made it extremely difficult for me to swallow food and when I did manage to swallow something, it was the most painful thing in the world and I just wanted to throw up because it was that painful; and I did a couple of times. I eventually got medication and that helped a lot! When I could eat again, I just ate all the pizza I could and ended up gaining weight – which for me wasn’t an issue because I’ve always been quite thin naturally, so thin that people thought I was anorexic which is untrue because if you actually know me, I eat so much and usually leave people wondering how I’m so skinny when I don’t exercise at all. But people noticed my weight gain and one of those people were my ex’s closest mate. I ran out of my medication and my stress/eating disorder should have been fixed, but it wasn’t. My parents took me to hospital to find out with there was a serious underlying condition that our general doctor missed and I had to stay overnight. Later that night I received yet another phone call at 3am and this time it was somewhat different. I could easily tell it was my ex’s closest mate, he’s part British and he isn’t very good at hiding his accent. He started to ask me the usual questions, how much do you charge for sex? I’m looking for a fun time. I hear you fuck guys wherever they want like on pool tables, the kitchen bench, in cars. I told him to knock it off because I wasn’t in the mood and that I was tired and so sick that I was in hospital, that could have been the worst thing I could have said. I thought that by telling him that I was in hospital would make him realise that he needs to stop, he and I were good friends and I thought that he would apologise and hang up, or at least just hang up and leave me alone, but nope, I had unknowingly given him another outlet to start rumours. His response to me telling him I was in hospital was, “Oh, you’re in hospital? Is that because you’re getting an abortion? We all know you’ve gained weight and it doesn’t surprise me you’re pregnant. Getting an abortion so you can still whore around?”. After that I hung up and threw my phone across the room. The school holidays were just about to start, thank God!
PLEASE READ: just because you’ve made a bad choice or a mistake, doesn’t mean that you are entitled to the consequences that follow. I sure as hell did not deserve what has so far been dished out to me for one mistake and what’s even is worse is that it was all dished out to me by someone that I was quite proud to once call my good friend. If you find yourself being unfairly treated for a mistake that you’ve done, then take a stand and say your peace. You need to keep in mind that no matter, people are always going to be talking about you, a lesson that we all have to learn, I just hope you learn yours in a nicer way compared to mine. If you are struggling against an eating disorder of ANY kind, please seek help even if it’s just telling a friend, family member, teacher or even me, it’s still making someone aware or what’s going on and hopefully they can help you in the right way. Also, if you know someone who is struggling with an eating disorder, don’t force them to eat or eat less. They’re not eating/overeating for a reason. Forcing them to do so can just push them further away, talk to them, find out why/how they developed their eating disorder and then talk to them about finding a way to help them get back on track. It’s all about listening and taking baby steps to get yourself back on the road to recovery and then to a happier life.
-S x
Self-Harm Warriors 